(Link takes you to Amazon - you can check out my written review to the side titled: “In order to have bad taste, you must first have very good taste!”)

I’ve dug up my copies of Pad: The Guide to Ultra Living plus Kitsch Deluxe and have gone on a bit of a decorating spree under the guise of getting ready for Christmas when in truth is how tacky can I make my living room. Answer? Not nearly enough. I needed a bookcase and found a free one on the curb, we’ve painted in “Tiger’s Eye” metallic thanks to Martha Stewart (good paint, found at Home Depot, might even be better than the Ralph Lauren or Behr stuff I use to use) and I’ve already gotten my knight’s head drinking set (it’s a knight’s head armour, with a bottle and four shot glasses hidden inside, the 60’s was a bizarre time) and of course copious amounts of golden grapes and leaves draped on it. For anyone that has seen my “electric voodoo kitchen”, then you know I have zero concept of minimalism and seek to live in a Vegas inspired amusement park stuck in the 50’s/60’s. Painting isn’t enough, I’ve gilded all available surfaces gold, I haggle to pay pennies on the dollar for swag lights (although I have enough), I’m pretty sure I could use a fountain in the middle of the room and you can never have enough mannequins. I still need a Virgin Mary on black velvet though. It’s okay, I’ve got two paintings by J.H. Lynch and Tretchikoff to keep me in kitcschy heaven. Tonight - the gold mannequin bust will be prominently set up in our entry way - for all the neighbour’s to see. Gooooooldfinger! Must check to see if the shag carpeting is ready for installation and if we have some spotlights. I feel I need a martini or two and possibly James Bond or Barbarella on the telly.